i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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