who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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