You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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