Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
