if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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