What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
