Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize