She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
