so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
