Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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