Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
