I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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