he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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