Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
