I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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