On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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