when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
