Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
