I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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