erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
