that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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