Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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