I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
