Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
