laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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