it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
