WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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