Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
