I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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