i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
