u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am available for nakedness
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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