The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
