What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
