No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
