pedialite and red bull = repair kit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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