I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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