Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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