So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
