sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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