She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
