Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
