I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
