He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
