how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
