two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
