Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
