remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
