there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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