Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
