That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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