Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
