u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
