I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
two words: eviction party
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
