if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found puke in my bra..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
