You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
