i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
