Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
