I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hippo gnu deer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
