she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
