Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
