I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
