Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
