I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize