Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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