I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
