I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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